Saying Goodbye

Is indeed hard to do.

I found out recently that all of the areas that I usually stay at, in Arizona, have had huge fires and they’ve been using fire retardant, that Red slurry, everywhere. If I was there right now, I would probably be in the hospital, or worse, because I have such bad reactions to fire retardant. So yes, the good Lord did want me in Kentucky, but I think now it was more a way of getting me out of Arizona for the summer.  

There are Things we have had to let go of.  Practical Things.  Charlie’s mattress, we have both lost a lot of clothes, my doormat.  Seems silly. Right? To be upset about Things?  The fact that my son did not have anything to sleep on was definitely a concern, but a doormat? Well, that was the first doormat I ever bought. I remember, I thought it was so cool that it was for my Little Gypsy.  There are practical Things that have memories attached. Some may seem silly to you, but my step from, Suzy, and my table from, Elizabeth, meant a lot to me.  That crazy step ladder that turned out to be such a great little work bench.  A couple in Winterhaven gave that to me.

Something about the combination of that mold and rust, was really bad.

 All three of those Things have been such a blessing, but the mold issue that sent us running back to the Camp on the Kentucky River Campgrounds, invaded our world, in hard and unexpected ways. Kentucky may be where I’m from, but it is not, home.  Some Things, like the ones I mentioned, are a little hard to let go of.  Some have caused such deep sorrow.  Things that both Charles and I have had for years, gone.  You can tell yourself they are just Things, but it’s the associated memories, that make them so hard to lose. Old photos, precious things from Charlie’s childhood.  Gone.

There was the fear of Things that might be lost. Incredibly important Things.  My trailer, Charlie’s truck. Our homes.  Both invaded by mold.  

You can see where mold was actually starting to grow in the canvas on my Little Gypsy. Bringing a little trailer that is made out of canvas, to an area where they have 46 inches of rain a year, was just not a smart thing to do. I just didn’t realize how much of a problem it was going to be.

But, by the Grace of the Lord, and an extraordinarily difficult time of cleaning, with Braggs vinegar and hydrogen peroxide, for months now, we believe they are safe.  We are praying it is so.  We have both been so grateful, for our little homes in special ways. Now? Even more so. 

There have been other goodbyes.   We sold Charlie’s trailer, so we could afford to get necessary repairs done on both our vehicles. We were even going to sale my sailboat, but another sailor stepped in to help. I am so blessed! After seeing what happened to my trailer? Charles has decided that a very old, well used, Casita, might be in his future.

Saying good bye to kin.  I got to see my mom, one brother, his wife, and all three of my sister’s, and most of their children. Charlie’s cousins. They came down to the campgrounds, to say, So Long, for now.  They did not know, and neither did I, that it may be Goodbye. At least until we meet again, in heaven, by and by.  

One sister asked, as she was leaving, if maybe in a few years, we might be able to come back. I guess that was the moment I started to realize, that we could not do this again.  Knowing what we have been through this last couple of months.  I won’t, I can’t, risk this kind of battle for my health again, and especially, for the health of my son.  In some ways, in many ways, I wish we had never come. Not just because of what we have lost, but because it got my hopes up. I thought, perhaps, I might be able to live in Kentucky, buy a piece of dirt, and get to know my brothers and sisters again. Saying goodbye to that dream, was tough. The reality, even if we could have stayed, would be so different. But I was hoping that, Charles, would be able to have family around. That he could get to know, The Cousins, and his aunts and uncles. That’s something he has never had. I have those memories. I was even able to reconnect with one of my dear cousins while I was there. I was hoping that we would be able to get to know them all over again. Yet.  I’m glad we came back, because it means that they’re in touch with my son, and even though its going to be a long distance, and likely sporadic, relationship, at least, Charles, knows he has relatives in abundance, in Kentucky. Who knows, maybe one of these days he might be able to visit his Dad’s relatives in Pennsylvania.

So we are saying goodbye to Kentucky, in fact we’ve been gone for a while now. One good thing? I have come to realize, through this latest adventure, that I already have a home. My beautiful Little Gypsy. 

After a lot of scrubbing, and a new paint job she really is beautiful again. 

She’s the best possible kind of home that I can have during these difficult times. Although I must tell you, it does not seem like difficult times right now. We are at an incredibly beautiful campgrounds, here in Tennessee. I’m going to be able to stay here for two weeks, right on the water front, for free!

Something so many people long to do. At times like this, I will agree with people and say that I am living the dream. These last few months has made that hard to believe, but this place is beautiful, quiet, and filled with peace.

So, although these last couple of months have been filled with hard times and goodbyes, tough decisions and painful places to stay, places that made us both so ill, there are incredible times of beauty and joy, as well.  I hold on to this kind of Joy, dearly, during those tough times.  Knowing that around the corner, or just down the road, the Lord will provide a place of incredible beauty. A place of rest. A place that brings such Joy!  Joy! Pouring out of me. I wish you could hear my voice, and see my face, and know that joy that is just ebbing up out of me! It is so good here.

 There was one more goodbye, that happened in Virginia, just a few days ago. Charlie and I, were able to get to Arlington, and see my husband’s headstone. Although our pastor and friend of many years, took some wonderful pictures for us, once the headstone was in place, we had not seen that in person yet.  There was something very warm and wonderful about being there. It felt like Mick, was really there with us. It is both wonderful, and very hard, how memories can fill your heart and mind. But while we were there, all of the hard memories slipped away, and all of the joy filled memories filled my heart. There were stories, about his Dad, that I told Charles while we were there, that Charlie had never heard before. 

Both Charlie and I were talking to that headstone as if Mick was actually there. 

Sharing those stories, talking about him, filled our hearts and minds with those wonderful memories about his Dad. It really did make it feel like, Mick, was there, listening, smiling, even chuckling.  As a follower of Christ, I believe that when someone dies, they rest in the Lord until the Lord comes back again. Then the dead in Christ will rise first. My husband knew the Lord. He told me, one of the last times I saw him, not to worry about him and the Lord, that they were okay.  So I know that someday, Charlie and I, will see, Mick, again. I know, going forward, that there will still be tears, that will catch me at unexpected times, but, thanks to a friend, I also now have this memory, this precious memory, of time with my son, at his dad’s graveside, that will help to ease the hurt, and the sorrow, of loss. 

They say that hindsight is 20/20, but I don’t believe that’s an accurate picture. I think that when we are in the middle of loss, or in the middle of greatness, we see things a certain way.  I think our vision is a bit blurred, at times, because we are too close to that moment.  After a little time passes, that way of seeing those events; great, small, hard, sad, happy, and even joyful, changes.  You start to see them maybe 50/40. Then, depending on the event, a few years later you can probably say that you’re seeing them about 30/30. But I think some time has to pass, before you can really look back and say I understand, and I see clearly now, why, that happened the way it did. 

I’ve heard it said that with every goodbye, there is a new hello. I can tell you one of the, Hello’s, has been such a blessing.  I am content with my little home. In fact I am very happy with my Little Gypsy, and this traveling life again. For a while I was focused on buying a piece of land, but I realize now, that that’s just not an option, and it’s okay, because it would be a burden, instead of a joy. My little home is a joy. A gift from the Lord. It’s something that I can take care of.  The good Lord has blessed us with wonderful mechanics, when we’ve needed them, and the means to get things fixed, wherever we’ve been, and I know that He will continue to provide the help we need as we cross the country. 

So it’s goodbye to owning land, and hello to Road Life with Little Gypsy! 🙂 

I don’t know where the Lord will take me next, but I know, I too, am in good hands.

We are heading for Arizona. Eventually. Lord willing.  Hopefully, before it gets too cold out here in the rest of the United States. I know it’ll take us a couple of months to get back there, and there are problems with me living there, but it’s the only place that I can spend the winter, while I’m living in Little Gypsy. Hopefully, some of the modifications that I have made, will make a difference. They are a little bizarre, I will admit, but I’ll tell you more about that, at some future date. I’m hoping that they will be enough to allow me to get rest in Arizona the way I used to.  

Take care for now, gentle reader, and remember, it is time, quality time, spent with those you love, that make the best memories!


12 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye

  1. Gypsy looks absolutely great! The journey to Arlington was heartfelt. Hello to Macha. Have a safe trip back to AZ.

    • Hi Cinandjules, Its always good to hear from you. Little Gypsy does look good, doesn’t she! After she was painted I saw some dark something on the side where the mold have been really bad and I was very afraid that the mold was eating its way out of the paint but it turned out to be just honest road dirt! I can’t tell you how happy I am that my little home is safe. My Macha is doing extremely well and she loves it when we stay at places like this campgrounds, because she gets to run around and get tangled on everything. When we stay at truck stops she’s on a very short leash. Just a few minutes ago she had managed to Tangle herself around the stove and around the solid Stone picnic bench in two different places I was very impressed! LOL
      I am hoping and praying that we can find other places like this on our way back across the country I really don’t want to do the truck stop game again. It made Charlie and I both so ill and made me cranky and I don’t like it when I’m cranky!

  2. I am sorry Kentucky did not work out for you, but all things work for the good for those who love the Lord. You are loved and cared for, and yes He will continue to care for you both. Safe travels!

    • Hey 2DogsTravel,
      I am sorry too about Kentucky, but in a way I’m kind of glad. It’s taught me a lot about the life that I’m currently leading and how good it is for me to continue to lead this road life. Trying to take care of a home or even just a piece of property like we were, was overwhelming. I have enough to do just taking care of my tiny little world. Besides when you think about it, the good Lord has already given me a lot more than he ever had. He had no place to lay his head, no place to call home. I have a beautiful little home. I am blessed! 🙂

  3. I was concerned about you trying to live in KY exactly for the reasons you mentioned. Glad you are coming back HOME. I also know the pain of saying goodbye to family… maybe for the last time.

    • Hey there Swankster! You know it’s funny, it never even occurred to me that there could be a mold issue back here. And of course, as you know, I am extremely sensitive to mold, and it turns out the Charlie is too. But I am glad to be “home” as you say. Here on the road again, and that was worth all of the heartache. Sometimes it takes going through hard things to find out where you are truly content. It turns out it was in my own backyard, right here on the road with my Sassy and Little Gypsy. With Macha riding shotgun, and Charles as my bodyguard, for at least a little while! Lol. As long as I keep the good Lord firmly at the helm, I know that we will be okay.

  4. My Rachel, it’s no wonder that you have been on my mind. Thank you for the lovely update report. We’ll just keep praying and give all things into God’s hands. Here I assumed that you were busily getting settled somewhere and instead you’ve been working iradicating your worst enemies. I’m still planning for December arrival at the place I was last located, and plan to bring my tent trailer so I can travel a small amount anyway.

    I learned on Saturday that my oldest son and his wife are planning to visit me during winter vacation this coming winter and yesterday I learned from Barry and Bernie that they are planning to arrive about the third week of January. Bernie is still having health problems to deal with and could use your prayers as well. Okay it’s after midnight so time for bed. I pray that God will shower His blessings on both of you and give you a comfortable place to sojourn amid your travels. Please pass my greetings to Charles.

    • Tedd, Hello, it’s good to hear from you. It has been tough lately. Weeks, almost two months of unremitting hard labor trying to get everything fixed again. But we are in a beautiful location right now I can hear the waves lapping up against the stones literally right outside my trailer door. It is beautiful here. Good Lord willing I will see you back at your spot this winter. I hope to be down there as well. I don’t know if it will work, but I’m praying that some of the adjustments I’ve made, will be worth it.

      I am so glad to know that you are going to have family visiting you. That is a wonderful thing! Barry and Bernie are both in my prayers as a matter of fact I just exchanged a series of emails with Bernie. They are both such wonderful people.

      The good Lord already has showered me with Incredible blessings, I just lost sight of that for a little while. I will be sure to tell Charles that you said hello, and I am certain that he would say hello back! 🙂

  5. A reflective and deeply meaningful writing. You have certainly hit your stride with this one! I’ve been wondering what you’ve been up to, and this answers it more completely than anything else could. Thanks.

    • It is good to know you were thinking of me. It makes me feel cared about. Always a good thing! 🙂 Thank you for your wonderful words about my writing. As you know, I try very hard to put my heart and soul into whatever I write. Talk to you soon!

  6. Rachel, although I am so sorry you have had to say goodbye to your dream of living in Kentucky, I am hopeful that we may be seeing you again. I knew you two had been having struggles back there. Thanks so much for sharing them with us. Love to both of you!

    • Hi Terri,
      It has been a crazy wild adventure and some things have been very very hard to cope with, but I am so grateful to be where I am now! Looking out my front door at this huge gorgeous lake with all these green trees. This will be a memory to hold onto when I come back to Arizona. I don’t know if Arizona will work, but I’m hoping and praying it will. I look forward to seeing you, and the “Youth Group”, even if we’re only there for a little while. Love to both of you, as well! 🙂

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